Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Communication, by Mara Horowitz

Shang Longrik Gyatso Rinpoche
Mara, South Africa
I have always been a people pleaser and I find it difficult to say no and to admit my limitations. I want to always maintain an appearance of perfection and always want to be the best, the most kind, the most intelligent, the most committed.

This habit came to the forefront as I started to participate more at the Shang Rinpoche Center. Rinpoche’s activities have a vast reach and so there are always multiple ways to help and different projects that need assistance. As it has always been my predisposition to agree even if it brings me great inconvenience, I signed up for too many projects and started to feel overwhelmed.

At this point I realized that I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t perfect. I had to acknowledge that I wasn’t a completely selfless Buddhist practitioner and started to communicate with my friends that I wanted time for myself. For some this may seem completely natural but for me it was a breakthrough. To let others into the aspects of myself that my perfectionist Virgo mind detests was a first.

When I took a step back, nobody thought that I was being unreasonable.  The result of this made me realize that healthy communication is possible for me too. I’ve already seen a difference in my working and personal relationships.

When I started studying with Rinpoche, he mentioned to me that I shouldn’t just go through life trying to please everybody. I understand why now, and this inner transformation would have taken a lifetime had I not learnt the value of communication from such a wise master.

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